These Phrases given by My Parent That Rescued Me during my time as a First-Time Father

"In my view I was simply in survival mode for the first year."

One-time reality TV personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the challenges of becoming a dad.

Yet the actual experience soon became "completely different" to his expectations.

Severe health issues during the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was forced into becoming her main carer in addition to looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, every nappy change… every stroll. The job of mother and father," Ryan stated.

After eleven months he burnt out. That was when a talk with his parent, on a park bench, that led him to understand he needed help.

The straightforward statement "You aren't in a healthy space. You need some help. In what way can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and find a way back.

His experience is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. While the public is now more accustomed to discussing the pressure on mums and about postpartum depression, less is said about the difficulties fathers encounter.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan feels his struggles are symptomatic of a larger inability to open up amongst men, who still hold onto damaging notions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets hit and remains standing every time."

"It isn't a sign of failure to ask for help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to admit they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - particularly ahead of a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental health is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the chance to request a pause - taking a few days overseas, outside of the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he needed to make a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's emotions as well as the practical tasks of caring for a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Self-parenting

That insight has transformed how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will help his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotion and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen was without stable male a father figure. Despite having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, deep-held emotional pain meant his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says bottling up feelings resulted in him make "terrible actions" when younger to alter how he felt, finding solace in alcohol and substances as escapism from the pain.

"You gravitate to behaviours that are harmful," he notes. "They can briefly alter how you feel, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Advice for Coping as a New Dad

• Share with someone - if you feel overwhelmed, tell a friend, your spouse or a therapist about your state of mind. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the pursuits that helped you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. This might be exercising, socialising or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - nutritious food, getting some exercise and where possible, sleep, all are important in how your emotional health is faring.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - hearing about their experiences, the challenges, and also the positive moments, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that asking for help does not mean you've failed - taking care of your own well-being is the most effective way you can care for your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the loss, having had no contact with him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead provide the security and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the feelings constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men because they faced their issues, transformed how they express themselves, and figured out how to control themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I wrote, sometimes I feel like my role is to instruct and tell you on life, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I'm learning just as much as you are through this experience."